My nipple is on Facebook.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
