i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just gift wrapped bread.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
