My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
