yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
