Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
