I just saw a hot homeless man
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
