she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize