this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
