Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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