you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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