I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
