Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
