Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am midnight drunk by noon
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
