Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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