ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
