i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
