I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
