i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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