i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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