I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
