mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
