Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the day after is always just damage control
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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