when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize