meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
