Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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