I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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