and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
