im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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