A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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