How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
