I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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