God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
