She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
