She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize