I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
