Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
