You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
