she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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