he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
