I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
