He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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