Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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