I'm jealous of your bromance
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize