I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My ass is underappreciated
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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