I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
