My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
