my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
