I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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