I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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