I wannas sexs uuuuu
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
