I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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