I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
