My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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