i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
