I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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