So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
