I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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