3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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