You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
