I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
