This girl is more easily done than said...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
