If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
