Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.

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(937): View more from Ohio

The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.

(414): View more from Wisconsin

You're welcome.

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(914): View more from New York

I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day

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(905): View more from Ontario

I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.

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(716): View more from New York

Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.

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(512): View more from Texas

when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!

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