the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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