don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
