ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
