I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
