And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
love makes seman taste better
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
