I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
