I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
