so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
