quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I die, sorry about rent.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
