Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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