tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
