I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize