My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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