New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
