Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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