I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize