Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
