the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
