the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize