I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
