If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
