...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
