I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
