you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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