I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
