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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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