Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh god it's open bar.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
