I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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