Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
