Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How external is "for external use only"?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
