You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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