I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
