Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
