Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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