wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
