I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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